One anonymous man asked the internet for help, asking for some clarity after his girlfriend of 12 years rejected his proposal. This led to a lot of very honest and blunt comments from the ‘Relationship Advice’ online community. Scroll down for the full story, including an update after the author spoke with his girlfriend. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for further comment, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from him.

Getting engaged is a magical moment that many couples genuinely look forward to. A major worry is that your partner might say ‘no’

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One man desperately asked the internet for advice after his girlfriend, who he’s been dating for over a decade, rejected his proposal

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Some people might wonder whether a couple is truly committed if they don’t live together after so many years of dating

It’s impossible to know everything about a person’s relationship based on a couple of anonymous internet posts and a handful of comments. What’s more, there’s the other partner’s perspective to consider, which is presented through someone else’s filter. In this day and age, it’s far too easy to instantly discount someone or immediately judge them. With that being said, there are still some nuances and potential red flags that you can pick up on that make you wonder about how (un)healthy the relationship might be. For instance, it is rather unusual for a couple that has been dating for years and years not to live together. Sure, it happens. But it is quite rare, all things considered. In some cases, living separately might be practical for some couples and match their dynamic; they make it work. However, from an outsider’s perspective, it might raise some eyebrows about how committed both partners might be to each other. Another potential issue is that the author of the post and his girlfriend don’t appear to have talked about married life much since the start of their relationship. This is worrying, to put it lightly.

Different couples are bound to have different life goals and expectations. It’s healthy to open up about them, get on the same page, and see what (doesn’t) match up

Moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, having kids, buying a home of your own, investing in a family car, getting pets, etc.—even in this day and age, many people have these ‘socially acceptable’ expectations when they hear about family life. Of course, not everyone wants this. And there are many exceptions. Someone might choose to get married but may not want to have children. Someone else may want kids but may not see the point in marriage. Meanwhile, some couples decide to become pet parents. But it is incredibly important that you’re open about your expectations with your partner ASAP and that you’re both on the same page going forward. There are some major life decisions that are hard (if not impossible) to compromise on. For instance, if you want children but your partner is absolutely against this, then no matter how much you love each other, it may be best for you to go your separate ways. You might feel frustrated if you keep waiting for them to change their mind. Meanwhile, a person who feels forced into a lifestyle they fundamentally don’t want might end up resenting their partner. The same need for transparency applies to questions like whether you and your partner want to get married, how soon you might want to get engaged, where you want to live (city vs suburbs vs countryside), what your parenting styles are going to be, what your career goals are, and what your philosophy on spending, saving, and investing is. You even need to consider very down-to-earth things like how you’ll split the housework in a way that seems fair to everyone.

Honesty is fundamental to happy and healthy relationships. Without it, the future looks wobbly

Naturally, it’s all heavy, emotional stuff. Not quite something that you’d discuss on the first date! However, these are all topics that you’ll eventually need to tackle. Nobody wants to feel like they’ve wasted years of their time with someone whose vision of the future is completely at odds with theirs. Communication. Openness. Authenticity. Active listening. It takes a lot of courage to be honest with yourself about what you want from life. It takes even more to be honest with your partner, knowing that they might have different goals. We all have our boundaries and it’s up to us to decide how much we’re willing to compromise without feeling like we’ve betrayed our authentic selves. But what do you think, dear Pandas? What are your thoughts on the relationship dynamic between the author and his girlfriend? What advice would you give both of them if you were in the same room? Do you think there’s such a thing as being ‘too late’ with a proposal? How do you ensure that you and your partner are always on the same page regarding the most important questions? We’d really like to hear your thoughts on this complicated situation, so be sure to share yours in the comments.

Here’s how some internet users reacted after reading the viral post. They didn’t shy away from being critical

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The author then updated his readers after he had an honest heart-to-heart with his partner about their future

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People were very direct with their comments. Here’s how they reacted to the update

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