In a viral discussion on the popular r/AskMen online group, men revealed all of the things that they didn’t know about women before they started going out. Their answers were incredibly honest and a great antidote for anyone who’s prone to putting others on a pedestal while dating. Scroll down to read these internet users’ personal experiences. Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral thread, redditor u/Red_User. They were happy to answer our questions and to share their thoughts about proper communication in relationships. Check out their insights as you scroll down.
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“I was asking myself what others never knew before,” the OP told us, adding that they weren’t expecting the discussion to get as much attention as it did.
“I think there are many assumptions about women that are not true in the end. Some of those might scare some men. But in the end, they are true for some women but not all,” the redditor said.
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Case in point, redditor u/Red_User pointed out that many men rush to ‘solve’ their partners’ problems when they should instead consider actively listening to them and simply hearing them out.
“Women sometimes just want to complain, whereas men tend to think logically. If she has a problem, she might expect some [comments like] ‘it’s terrible’ and ‘not your fault’ or something. He instead might think about a solution when she is not interested in solving the issue."
The OP urged all couples to talk to each other, not just about other people. “Don’t make assumptions, but talk with each other about issues.” The redditor noted that some couples also face social pressure from their friends. However, just because the people around you think a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the truth.
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According to u/Red_User, people should never judge another couple’s lifestyle. They explained that, in their opinion, nobody should be forced to do something just because of their gender.
“It’s wrong to say women have to work or they have to stay at home. Some women prefer a and some b. And some do both. It’s great if men want to (and can) provide enough money so their partner has no need to work and can spend time with [the] kids. But there shouldn’t be a duty to stay at home or be forbidden to work. Equally, the man can stay at home if both [partners] want that.”
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However, slowly, we let our guard down around people. It takes time and trust to do so, but we let them in. If they’re special enough, we show them what we’re like when we’re alone, without any pretense.
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They might start idealizing them and putting them on a pedestal. Focusing on other people’s positive qualities can be a good thing, but it can be very unhealthy if you completely ignore their negative aspects as well. If you hype yourself up over dating someone, you’re not doing yourself any favors.
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Meanwhile, if you want to learn more about your partner, there is no better alternative than open and honest communication. You won’t form a deep connection with them if you’re not willing to talk about the mundane stuff and their quirks, not just exciting global topics and other people.
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For some more surprising things that men learned about women only after they got into relationships, check out Bored Panda’s previous feature.
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