For instance, telling your child that perfectionism should always be the standard might not be a healthy approach, nor arguably is encouraging them to work day, night, and weekends to show their dedication. These are just a couple of examples millennials shared while discussing the things their parents ingrained in them that they later realized were ridiculous. Scroll down to find more on the list below and see just what bizarre beliefs some parents want their children to follow. Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Mary Washington, Miriam Liss, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about parental influence.
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“Parent influence is significant but not the only significant influence for children. Genetics also matter, as do influences outside of the family; peers, for example,” she told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
“Nevertheless, parents can instill both behavioral patterns and values in their children that can have a long-lasting influence,” the expert continued. “Many aspects of a child’s behavior are shaped by what we expect of them and what behaviors are reinforced by the family.”
“Parents can also impact what is valued by children. Do parents notice and praise how a child looks or are they more likely to give children praise and attention when they are demonstrating kindness to others? Through selective attention and reinforcement, parents can communicate what is important and valued in their family.”
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“Children change all the time, so one could argue that they are never fully ‘set’,” Prof. Liss suggested. “We can always change the expectations we make of our children and that is actually appropriate as children age. For example, you wouldn’t expect a young child to help cook a meal or do their own laundry, but you might expect an older child or teen to do these things.”
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“Other things may be harder to change, especially if you don’t realize how you have influenced your child. For example, if you have focused most of your praise on how your child looks, your child may put a high value on their appearance and this may be difficult to change,” she added.
However, according to Liss, even such messages are not set in stone, as both parents and children learn and grow. “As children age they will make their own decisions about whether or not they want to keep the values their family has instilled in them or whether they want to value other things.”
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While expanding on the former, the expert pointed out that parents who are warm and caring can help instill a basic sense that a child is worthy of love and attention. That can help the offspring form a secure attachment style, which can bring numerous long-lasting benefits.
Discussing the latter, Dr. Liss emphasized that some parents communicate to their children that they must succeed at all costs and this can make children averse to taking risks and trying new things. “Instead, parents could try to communicate that people grow when they try hard things and that a lot of learning can come from failing and trying again. This can help children cope with challenging situations with strength and resilience."
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