The person rejecting you wields a lot of power in their hands. How they turn you down and phrase things can have a massive impact on how you feel about the entire debacle in the end. Inspired by u/theonlinepartofme, the r/AskReddit community spilled the tea about the most respectful ways someone rejected them. Scroll down for their wholesome stories! Bored Panda got in touch with the person behind the interesting thread, u/theonlinepartofme, and they were kind enough to share their thoughts on rejection, honesty, and how to handle these situations well. You’ll find our interview with them below.
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42% of people who made up their minds to break up with their partners waited a week before finally breaking up with them. 58% of people think that their breakups are messy or dramatic.
While 19% of people admitted that they ended up ghosted by their former partners, 71% said that they still stayed in touch with them after the breakup.
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“In the end, everyone wants acknowledgment or appreciation,” they said. “If the advance is genuine, there’s no way the rejection can be fully okay, but I think to let them know that their interest and courage are still appreciated can save them from much regret or shame.”
Honesty also plays a big role in turning someone down. From the author’s perspective, if there are some circumstances that prevent you from dating the other person, it might help to let them know that it’s not them personally at fault here. “I personally think treating them as a human with human aches, fears, pain, anxiety, is the most important thing, rejection aside.”
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“So, hopefully, all sides keep mind of this. And if you could be turned down, you’re braver and cooler than most of us.”
The redditor who sparked the intriguing discussion opened up to Bored Panda that they generally like to turn to the r/AskReddit community whenever they have any questions running through their mind.
“This question in particular came up when I was talking with a friend about rejection or break-ups, and how these days people are so sensitive and can take rejection to even a scary level. I then wondered what would be the best way to go about the worst situation: getting turned down,” u/theonlinepartofme said, adding that the person doing the rejecting has a lot of power to make the memory of the event better or worse for the other individual.
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“If it had to come up again, especially if it were with someone important to me, I’d still want them to walk away feeling good about the courage to have asked, as I’d also want to feel that way in the flipped situation. Therefore, I wanted to hear first-hand answers,” they said.
There are lots of things to consider when rejecting someone. There’s some delicate balance work to focus on. For instance, most people don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings, even if they don’t view them in a romantic light. So, they want to avoid being callous or overly harsh.
At the same time, vagueness is also emotionally dangerous. If you’re too ambiguous and overly friendly, it can wreak a ton of havoc in your life. For example, if the other person believes they still might have a shot at being with you, they might continue with their (unwanted) advances.
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However, it’s not just what you say but also how you phrase things that’s important. Your tone of voice and body language can have a huge impact on how the rejected person feels. They’ll feel hurt if you sound like you’re too flippant or mock them. On the other hand, adding some gentle humor can defuse the tension and show that there’s nothing personal about the rejection: you’re simply not interested, no matter how awesome they are.
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Meanwhile, you should probably avoid using cliches like “it’s not you, it’s me” that you often hear people using in films and TV shows. It’s not genuine. It’s an easy way out. And the other person deserves to hear the truth, even if it is slightly uncomfortable.
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Have you ever accidentally given someone any false hope by being too vague? Has anyone had a bad reaction to you turning them down? If you feel like sharing, scroll down to the comments section to open up about your experiences.
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