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“How and why people choose things is sometimes motivated by deeper, unconscious elements,” Dr. Luster told Bored Panda via email.
“In a case where people interweave a criticism, it could be because of the Shadow Self. As Jung suggested, the ‘dark’ aspect of ourselves that is part of our unconscious is acting out, so we attempt to disown the ‘shadow’ in us by criticizing others,” he said.
“For those that do it less conspicuously, it might also be a passive way to tell someone how they really feel about them, disguising it in hidden language.”
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“Try to be aware of your defensiveness creeping up and attempt to remove your own connection by looking more closely at the underlying emotions and motives of the critic,” he told Bored Panda.
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You can also reframe the criticism. “We get to choose how to contextually situate this in our brain,” he said.
“I like to use the following analogy: You can choose to see your house in a few ways. You can go outside and stand in front of it, or you can look at it from Google Maps. Both are true versions, but you choose the one that you would rather see. Same thing here: choose the best picture of what you heard and see it for any opportunity that helps or not.”
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However, a well-placed verbal jab or some witty banter can add color to everyone’s life. Especially if the other person has a good sense of humor and a dash of self-awareness to be able to laugh at themselves, too. Maybe they can appreciate how playful and intelligent your insult was. Of course, this only applies to situations where the person throwing around the insults isn’t completely mean-spirited.
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Robert N. Kraft, Ph.D., a professor of cognitive psychology at Otterbein University, argues that it’s not actually direct insults that do us the most harm. As it turns out, we’re most unsettled by casual put-downs because they catch us off guard.
According to the professor, subtle criticisms can be hidden or implied, take on the guise of a false compliment, or even masquerade as someone pretending to be concerned.
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Professor Kraft urges people to first of all identify the hidden or implied insults. You can then directly confront the other person with a simple question and brief conversation. Or you move past the put-down by throwing out a general reply.
Alternatively, you could always downplay the put-down. For instance, you can acknowledge the insult and then either disagree with it or amplify it. If you throw some verbal playfulness into the mix, you can show that you’re not bothered.
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What’s the most subtle but powerful insult you’ve ever heard, Pandas? Which of the put-downs in this post would you ever use in real life and why? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
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