In a recent r/AskReddit thread, people shared some of these eye-opening examples. Find them below, and feel free to add your own similar stories in the comments!
Intotheopen , Engin Akyurt / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
“People often don’t realize they have mental health issues or trauma because they get used to the way things are,” Nazarova tells us. “Life is complicated, and with so much going on, many don’t take the time to stop and think about why they feel or act a certain way.”
From a neurological perspective, Nazarova notes that humans aren’t as adaptable as we might think. Our brains tend to settle into familiar patterns, even if those patterns are unhealthy, making them difficult to break. Dissociation can also play a role, with the mind blocking out painful memories, preventing many of us from fully recognizing their impact until much later.
“When we go through tough experiences, we focus on surviving,” Nazarova adds. “It takes a lot of energy to change, so we often stick with what’s familiar, even if it’s uncomfortable, rather than working toward something better but unknown.”
elainesbaddecisions , Anna Tarazevich/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report
mnl_cntn , Pixabay/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report
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“Trauma denial may be helpful in the short term. It allows the trauma survivor to stand up and get back on their feet,” says Sabina Mauro, a psychologist in Yardley, Pennsylvania. But as time goes on, avoidance takes its toll. “Ongoing trauma denial causes more suffering than there needs to be. Although trauma survivors may learn how to suppress this unpleasant experience from their past, their body and mind will continue to carry it until the trauma is confronted.”
Burying painful memories manifests in different ways. Some people might say, “It wasn’t a big deal. I’ve moved on,” or, “It wasn’t bad enough to be called trauma,” while others might deny that it ever happened.
Kasmusser , Keira Burton/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report
Dagid_pl , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
Dressed_Up_4_Snu_Snu , mikoto.raw Photographer / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
“They may also think that constant anxiety, meltdowns, trust issues, and coping mechanisms are normal and healthy,” says Nazarova. “It’s all about what our window of tolerance is.”
Breaking these harmful cycles is possible, but awareness is key. “Learning how to set healthy boundaries helps stop the transmission of harmful patterns, especially in relationships where past trauma may be affecting current behavior,” Nazarova explains.
BananaHairFood , Lazar Gugleta/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report
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Kirst_Kitty , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
“CBT allows people to recognize and address issues they might have thought were normal but are actually unhealthy,” she says. “For example, someone might believe that constantly pleasing others is the only way to maintain relationships because they grew up in a household where their needs were ignored. They might think, ‘If I don’t make everyone happy, I’m a bad person,’ because that’s how they’ve always lived.”
“In CBT, I work with them to see how this belief leads to behaviors like burnout or resentment. I challenge that thinking by asking, ‘Is it realistic to make everyone happy all the time?’ or, ‘What happens if you take care of your own needs first?’”
By understanding that constantly putting themselves last isn’t beneficial, they can start setting boundaries and prioritize self-care without guilt. “This realization helps break the cycle of harmful thinking and behaviors they’ve accepted as normal for so long,” Nazarova says.
luca_aaa , Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
jono454 , Kampus Production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
ikindalold , Gustavo Fring / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
Changeurblinkerfluid , Sora Shimazaki/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report
metalvessel , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
wifeunderthesea , Roman Davayposmotrim / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
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thedustoflife , Mikhail Nilov / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
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greenmachine11235 , Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
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WonderfulDrawing8585 , Artem Podrez/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report
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sweetpealadyyy , Trista Chen / pexels (not the actual photo) Report
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NoRecording66 , cottonbro studio/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report
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