Redditor u/Disastrous-Day-3751 recently turned to the AITA online community for advice after dealing with a very delicate situation regarding her upcoming wedding. She shared how the best man broke down because his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum: he had to choose between going to the OP’s wedding or hypothetically getting a dog. You’ll find the full story below. We reached out to the author of the viral post, u/Disastrous-Day-3751, and she was happy to answer our questions. Read on for Bored Panda’s interview with her!
Being asked to be the best man or maid of honor at your best friend’s wedding is a huge deal. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out
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A bride-to-be shared how the best man broke down after getting an ultimatum from his girlfriend
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Image credits: Disastrous-Day-3751
The author of the viral story shared some additional context in the comments
The entire drama made the couple happy that they’re having a smaller and more carefree wedding
According to the author of the post, at the end of the day, it was “relatively easy” to organize the wedding. “It’s just 6 people now, and we don’t want anything extraordinary,” u/Disastrous-Day-3751 told Bored Panda. “It’s more like a little vacation, and that’s great for us because the drama between us and Mike/Courtney has been enough.” The fact that the story went so viral on the internet came as a bit of a shock. “I did not expect the story to be this interesting to Reddit. I was just so shocked and hurt that I had to share it and hoped I could get an outside perspective,” she said. “I‘m grateful for the reactions as it gave us a lot of insight about toxic relationships. A lot of people talked about how manipulative Courtney is, and that’s true, but we hadn’t seen that before.” The OP also had some practical advice for anyone feeling overwhelmed and stressed out from organizing their own wedding. “The smaller, the better!” she said. “Some family members were very disappointed, but we said: ‘It’s our day, and it has to be perfect for us.’ Some family members were a bit grumpy after that, but after some weeks, it was okay.” Share icon Image credits: Katerina Holmes / pexels (not the actual photo)
The entire situation raised a lot of questions about the dynamic between the best man and his girlfriend
We love our pets. They’re with us through thick and thin! But you may want to gently reconsider your priorities if your friends feel like you’re always putting your pets’ needs above theirs. When you choose your dog over your pals’ wedding, well, that’s bound to lead to a lot of hurt feelings on both sides. Things can get even more intense if you’re talking about a hypothetical pet that you’ll only get in the future. It makes little sense to prioritize the welfare of an animal that isn’t a part of your family yet at the cost of your beloved friends, who are already a major part of your life. Now, don’t get us wrong: it’s vital that you plan and prepare to welcome a dog into your life. The more you sort out all the details, the easier the homecoming entire process will be. However, if you’re constantly changing your dogsitting plans and forcing the marrying couple to adjust their wedding time and time again, something’s definitely off. In our experience, ultimatums rarely—if ever work—in relationships. Nobody should feel like they’re pressured into doing anything they don’t want to do. However, that’s easier said than done. When you’re on the receiving end of an ultimatum, it’s hard to know what to do because it’s a high-stress situation. Happy and healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual trust, respect, and communication. In this particular case, it is extremely unfair of ‘Courtney’ to demand that ‘Mike’ skip his BFF’s wedding because she wants both of them to dogsit their future pet in half a year’s time. Share icon Image credits: Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo)
If your partner relies on ultimatums to control you, then something is fundamentally amiss in your relationship
Ultimatums are very different from boundaries. The former are all about force, warnings, and demands. The latter are about setting expectations and guidelines for (in)appropriate behavior. Ultimatums are particularly harmful in relationships because they undermine the sense of security and respect. It can also lead to resentment, as well as insecurity. According to relationship therapist Darcy Sterling, LCSW, “Setting an ultimatum is the relationship equivalent of nuclear warfare,” she points out. Meanwhile, marriage and family therapist Andrea Dindinger, LMFT, has a similar view. “People make ultimatums when they feel powerless to change the other person.” In the meantime, overusing ultimatums can be likened to emotional abuse. Boundaries are a far better alternative to ultimatums because they are firm but flexible. That’s the perspective of licensed counselor Elizabeth Fedrick. She told Business Insider that most people don’t respond well to ultimatums. “Whereas healthy boundaries are about keeping yourself safe by staying in control of yourself, an ultimatum is about trying to keep yourself safe by staying in control of someone else. Because ultimatums are by nature demanding, they can backfire and create more harm than good in a relationship.” Therapist Daryl Appleton notes, however, that ultimatums do have a time and a place. They can be useful in situations where someone’s behavior is harmful to them or the relationship itself. It’s when ultimatums are used for control—instead of clarity—that they can have a negative effect.
The vast majority of readers stood in solidarity with the bride-to-be
The author later gave an all-important update to the story
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