The child’s mother shared her concerns online and revealed that her husband’s cautious and anxiety-driven behavior with their child is affecting their family in several ways. Calling her husband “Barry” and her daughter “Kayla” in the message, the mother narrated the story about the trip to the park that changed everything for their family. “Last year, my husband ‘Barry’ took our then-4-year-old daughter ‘Kayla’ to the park. Kayla apparently threw a tantrum over not wanting to wear her mittens, and when my husband tried to calm her down, someone took notice, decided he was trying to abduct her, and called the police,” the mother said in her submission to Care and Feeding — Slate’s parenting advice column.
The child was throwing a tantrum in the park, which led to someone calling the police after assuming the father was trying to abduct her
Share icon Image credits: Josh Willink / Pexels (Representational image) “That led to him being detained and separate questioning of both Kayla and Barry before the police decided that no, actually, nothing was wrong and let him go,” she added. The mother explained that she’s been having to do some major heavy lifting in terms of parenting because Barry now refuses to take their daughter outside all by himself. “Since then, Barry has refused to take Kayla anywhere if he’s not accompanied by me or some other relative. I have to do all of the driving whenever we need to take her to a doctor, attend some school function, take her out anywhere she wants to go, etc.,” the mother wrote. While the wife said she shouldn’t “judge” Barry for this, she admitted that she’s struggling to carry the entire load of the “outside-the-house parenting work” by herself.
The father now refuses to take their daughter outside by himself
Share icon Image credits: Mike Greer / Pexels She also said Barry has been sitting for therapy sessions, but she hasn’t seen much of an improvement. “He’ll be noticeably anxious when outside the home with Kayla and still refuses to be with her without some other relative along. I need some kind of support here, and my husband can’t provide it. What can I do to get out of this mess?” she concluded. In response to the mother’s message, the parenting advice column acknowledged that the incident in the park must have been “not only scary but potentially traumatizing” for both Barry and Kayla. “There’s room for you to be nonjudgmental but honest with Barry about how this specific symptom of avoidance—refusing to take your daughter anywhere in public—is affecting all of you. Even if his anxiety is understandable to some extent, it’s interfering with his daily life, his parenting, and activities that I assume he actually wants to be able to do with Kayla,” read the response.
“What can I do to get out of this mess?” the desperate mother asked
Share icon Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels The response suggested that the mother could be supportive by listening to Barry and agreeing that his feelings “aren’t the enemy.” Nevertheless, the mother is fair in expecting him to work on changing things, the response noted. The mother was also given the advice of leaning on friends and family to help out with Kayla or hiring a caregiver. “I get that you feel frustrated and isolated. None of this is fair, including what happened to your daughter and your husband,” the message said. “It might not feel like it as you drive Kayla everywhere by yourself, but you and Barry can still find ways to support one another and be a team—he can listen to your concerns and try to work on his issues; you can encourage him to overcome this hangup (for his own benefit as much as yours and Kayla’s) without dismissing how he feels. I hope this situation is temporary and he’s soon able to move past the avoidance, if not the anxiety.” Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing! Follow Bored Panda on Google News! Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!
