Finger flipping, name calling and threats to call security were the order of the day. All for the mediocre middle seat. That someone else wanted to claim as their own. A flight attendant was called more than once to diffuse the situation. The angry passenger took to an online community to vent, ending their rant with some choice words for people from the older generation. Bored Panda chatted to international etiquette expert Diane Gottsman about the unwritten rules of air travel.
Traveling alone with a child and pet is stressful enough without the added drama of someone trying to steal your seat
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This mom was shocked when she was sworn at for refusing to swap seats because she wanted to sit with her daughter
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The mom says she was called an “entitled childless cat lady” and that her daughter was blocked from using the bathroom
Not all seats are born the same. And you might agree that the middle seat on a plane wasn’t first in line for comfort, convenience or a crystal clear view of the sky. Needless to say, the middle seat is not usually the one people will go down fighting for. So we can just imagine the OPs surprise when someone demanded they give up their middle seat. But they were even more shocked that the other passenger expected them to sit at the back of the plane, separate from their young daughter. In life, there are unwritten rules we follow, and certain etiquette we abide by. Even, or especially when traveling. Diane Gottsman is an international etiquette expert and respected leader in etiquette training. Gottsman is also the founder of The Protocol School of Texas. She kindly agreed to chat to Bored Panda and weigh in on the saga. Gottsman says there is only one acceptable scenario where it’s okay to ask a fellow traveler to trade seats. And even then, you should first exhaust all other measures. Like speaking to the airline, a flight attendant or travel agents. Ideally before you board the plane. Share icon Image credits: Pixabay (Not the actual photo)
According to an etiquette expert, asking another passenger to swap seats is a big no-no in most cases
“If you were traveling with a young child, and for some reason, your seats were separated, you can politely ask to make a switch, but ask someone with the same seat in a different aisle,” Gottsman told us. But the passenger should only do this if they had planned their travels properly, and found there was “no possible way” to make it happen. They also need to bear in mind that asking another passenger directly puts that person in an awkward situation. According to Gottsman, “You don’t ask a passenger to swap seats with you because you don’t like the location of your seat on the plane, or two of your friends are together and you want to be close. It should be for a good reason or you should have made seat arrangements in advance.”
It also totally goes against travel etiquette to offer someone a worse seat than the one they have
“Generally speaking, the unspoken rule when it comes to seat swaps is that only better or equivalent exchanges should be offered,” said travel blog, The Points Guy. “Maybe you lose an aisle seat, but gain some leg room in a bulkhead seat, or you trade your window seat next to the toilet for a middle seat at the front of the main cabin.” Gottsman agrees, “You never just sit down and wait for the passenger to arrive that you want to occupy their seat. When the passenger arrives, you politely ask if they would mind changing seats, in other words, window for window, aisle for aisle, etc. But never an aisle for a middle seat.” Share icon Image credits: Jason Toevs (Not the actual photo)
The OP thought they were handling the situation well by calling a flight attendant to clear up the confusion
Afterall, flight attendants are specially trained to de-escalate drama between fellow passengers. One flight attendant told Business Insider that they’ve received more deescalation training than ever before. “I’ve noticed my job consists more of consoling, comforting, and de-escalating passengers than it did previously — it’s a lot of management.” In August, the Federal Aviation Administration said airlines have already reported more than 1,240 unruly passenger cases in 2024. Last year, they dealt with 2,455 cases. It was way more than 2019, before the pandemic, when there were 1,161 reports. As Explore wrote, “Many experts also think that people have become more entitled and less able to tolerate stress after the COVID-19 pandemic. Things got so bad during that time that the FAA introduced a zero-tolerance policy against unruly passengers, which has been extended into our post-pandemic era.”
There’s a lot more stress in the skies in recent years
The flight attendant wanted to remind travelers that kindness is key. “You truly never know why someone next to you is traveling — it could be to see a loved one for the last time. We need to take care of ourselves and each other.” In the case of the OP, neither they nor the elderly passenger knew why the other was traveling.
Many people felt the airline didn’t do enough and that the elderly couple should have been removed from the flight
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