So when one new mom’s husband decided to vanish while she was giving birth, she had a hard time understanding where he was coming from. Below, you’ll find the full story that the mother recently posted on Reddit seeking advice, as well as a conversation with Rebecca Williams, LMFT, Couples Therapy Expert and Owner of Inland Empire Couples Counseling.
After her husband vanished while she was in labor, this mom started to wonder if her marriage was worth salvaging
Share icon Image credits: DC_Studio (not the actual photo)
AITA for Leaving My Husband at the Hospital After He Refused to Be in the Delivery Room with Me?
“This happened two months ago, but it’s still causing major friction in my family, so I need some outside opinions. I (29F) and my husband ‘Jake’ (32M) have been together for six years, married for three. We were both ecstatic when we found out we were expecting our first child. Pregnancy was tough for me, though—I had severe morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was generally miserable. But Jake was supportive and sweet the whole way through, which made it bearable. As we got closer to my due date, we discussed birth plans. I was adamant that I wanted Jake in the delivery room. I needed his support, and he’d always agreed. However, a few weeks before my due date, Jake started acting strange. He was distant, distracted, and wouldn’t engage in any baby-related discussions. I thought he was just anxious about becoming a dad, so I didn’t press him too much. The day I went into labor, Jake drove me to the hospital but seemed off. He was quiet and kept checking his phone. When we got there, he pulled the nurse aside and spoke to her privately. She came back and told me Jake wouldn’t be in the delivery room because he was ‘uncomfortable with blood and medical procedures.’ I was stunned. He’d never mentioned this before. I begged him to stay, told him I needed him, but he just kept saying, ‘I can’t do this.’ I was heartbroken and furious, but I didn’t have much time to dwell on it as my contractions were getting stronger. Jake said he’d be in the waiting room and kissed me on the forehead before leaving. I was left alone, crying and feeling utterly abandoned. Labor was long, painful, and traumatic. I was alone the entire time except for the medical staff. When our son was finally born, I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The nurse handed me my son, and all I felt was a deep sadness that Jake wasn’t there to share this moment. After I was taken to a recovery room, I asked the nurse to get Jake. She came back and said he’d left the hospital hours ago. I couldn’t believe it. I called him repeatedly, but he didn’t answer. Finally, I sent him a text saying I was done and he could find his own way home. I didn’t see him until the next day. He showed up at the hospital with flowers and an apology, saying he’d panicked and needed some air. He claimed he’d gone home to shower and change and fell asleep, which I didn’t buy for a second. I told him I didn’t believe him. I was overwhelmed with anger and hurt, and I told him he had let me down in the worst possible way. He kept apologizing, saying he knew he’d messed up and he’d do anything to make it right. I didn’t want him near me or our son at that moment, so I asked him to leave. He tried to protest, but I told him I needed time to process everything. He left, and I spent the rest of my hospital stay alone with my baby, trying to grapple with the enormity of what had happened.” Share icon Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo) “Since then, Jake has been trying to make amends. He’s been taking parenting classes, attending therapy, and is constantly trying to be present and supportive. But I can’t shake the feeling of betrayal. He abandoned me at one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. Every time I look at him, I remember being alone in that delivery room, terrified and in pain, wondering why the person who promised to be by my side wasn’t there. My family is split. Some think I’m being too hard on Jake, that he made a mistake and is clearly remorseful. They say he’s a good father and partner otherwise, and I should focus on moving forward for the sake of our child. Others think what he did was unforgivable and I should leave him. They believe I’ll never truly trust him again, and that’s no foundation for a marriage. I’m torn. I do still love him, and I know he loves me and our son. But part of me wonders if I’ll ever get over this. Was it just a moment of weakness on his part, or a sign of something deeper that I can’t overlook? So, AITA for leaving him at the hospital and now considering leaving him for good?” Source: Anxious_Committee_42
It’s common for women to have some fears leading up to labor
Share icon Image credits: George Milton (not the actual photo) While bringing a child into the world is an incredibly beautiful thing, what women have to go through to bring those precious babies here can be daunting. According to Robyn Horsager-Boehrer, M.D., at UT Southwestern Medical Center, about a fifth of women around the globe experience fear about giving birth at some point during their pregnancies. In fact, about half of all pregnant women in the United States worry about their labors. As far as where these fears come from, Dr. Horsager-Boehrer says common concerns are about pain, maintaining control, the mother’s wellbeing, not trusting her own competence and the safety of her child during labor. Sometimes, these fears can even manifest as symptoms like nervousness, stomach aches, nightmares and others sleeping problems. Anxious moms might also start making frequent trips to the hospital before they’re in labor or request a C-section delivery. The Bump notes on their site that some other common fears include worrying about making it to the hospital on time, dying during childbirth, pooping during childbirth, getting (or not getting) an epidural, vaginal tearing and episiotomy, the labor not going according to plan, having a long labor and experiencing complications during delivery. These fears often extend past the point of giving birth as well, as many moms might worry about taking the wrong newborn home, dropping their child and simply being a bad parent.
“Birth is difficult and vulnerable; the birthing person needs to feel safe and supported”
Share icon Image credits: Hannah Barata (not the actual photo) To learn more about this situation, we got in touch with Rebecca Williams, LMFT, Couples Therapy Expert and Owner of Inland Empire Couples Counseling. Rebecca was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss whether or not it’s important for a woman’s partner to be in the delivery room during labor. “I actually don’t think it’s critical for a partner or spouse to be in the room during the birth, though many want to be, and many pregnant women will want a partner or spouse there,” she shared. “What matters most is that she’s not alone. Birth is difficult and vulnerable. The birthing person needs to feel safe and supported.” We were also curious about what a man should do if they feel uncomfortable being in the room while their spouse or partner is giving birth. “They need to communicate that,” Rebecca says. “In this situation, had the husband spoken up earlier, they might have had some conversations with the doctor, nurse, or midwife about his concerns or how they could make it comfortable for him to stay.” “The couple might have called on other family members or friends to also be there to provide support or to step in if the husband found he couldn’t stay,” the therapist continued. “Then the wife wouldn’t be left alone, and the husband could have a support person for himself as well.”
“He will need to hear and understand her pain”
Share icon Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo) As for what this couple can do to try to repair their relationship, Rebecca says it’s great that the father is in therapy and that he’s showing remorse. But this situation will likely require more than some flowers and an apology. “He will need to hear and understand her pain,” the expert noted. “They will need to understand what happened with him and have a plan for how to prevent this kind of abandonment again in the future.” “He can work on speaking up when he’s uncomfortable, and they might need to work together on how to make space in the relationship that he can share his concerns,” Rebecca explained. “He might also need to work on being able to tolerate distress so that the doesn’t have to run away from her when things get hard.” We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother has responded appropriately to her husband abandoning her during labor? Feel free to weigh in. Then, if you’re looking for another Bored Panda piece discussing similar issues, we recommend reading this one next!
Concerned readers had plenty to say about the story, and the mom shared additional details about the situation
Many readers supported the mother, and she continued to explain why her marriage is no longer working
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