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We at Bored Panda reached out to Sarah Arnold-Hall to understand how to effectively stop worrying about what other people think. Sarah is a high-performance coach who specializes in helping ambitious people take consistent action towards their goals. She shared her thoughts below.
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“You are the creator of everyone else’s thoughts. Not in their mind, but in your mind, which is where the anxiety is happening. Once you realize other people’s opinions are really just your own brain telling a story, you have a choice: to decide others are thinking good things about you or to decide they’re thinking bad things about you.”
“Which do you prefer? I prefer to decide they are thinking good things. But sometimes, when I’m having a hard day, and I just can’t imagine they’re thinking good things, I choose to think they’re thinking bad things about me and just let them be wrong. It’s okay for people to be wrong about you. There’s freedom in that,” she added.
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According to psychologists, we might care so much about what other people think because it’s wired in humans to want to be liked and accepted by others. So behaving and acting in a “socially acceptable” way may win the favor of the folks around us. It’s also sometimes a learned behavior that stems from our culture or the teachings of our parents.
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“I absolutely care what my partner, my family, and my friends think about what I do. But they don’t get to call the shots, ever. Just yesterday, I noticed myself not wanting to let someone down by pulling out of a commitment I’d made that I didn’t have the capacity for. But then I realized I would actually be letting myself down if I followed through with it.”
“I experienced about 5 minutes of discomfort to send the text, which saved me months of discomfort of following through on something I had no time, energy, or desire to do,” she shared. Meaning that we absolutely can place importance on what other people think, but we shouldn’t go overboard doing that in a way that harms us.
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She shared her experience, saying: “I like to imagine I have an inner jury of people who get to help me make my decisions, but ultimately, I am the judge, and I have the final say. They get to make their argument and present their evidence, but what happens next is up to me. I also get to choose who is on that inner jury.”
She also added that “just because a friend, family member, or stranger has an opinion doesn’t mean they get to be on the jury. Every case, every decision in my life gets its own jury, and I actively imagine selecting people who are on it (and sometimes, I have to consciously remove people from the jury when I accidentally let them in!).”
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Have you ever been this nonchalant about something? If so, tell us about a time you did something without giving a damn about the consequences.
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