So, let’s dive into this frustrating story, where one grandma is asking if she’s being unreasonable for feeling hurt over her son’s family skipping town, and her, time and time again. More info: Mumsnet
Families can be like Wi-Fi: when the signal is weak, you start to wonder if you’re even still connected
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One grandma is left heartbroken as she barely gets to see her grandkids, because her son and his family seem to prioritize everything but her
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One of the sons married a woman who comes from a war-zone country, but still takes the kids to visit her family for weeks, while grandma gets to see them 2 days a year
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The man and his family keep excluding the grandparents from the kids’ lives, always finding different excuses as to why they can’t visit them, despite living 1 hour away
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The grandma wants to be a part of her grandkids’ lives, but her son and his wife only allow the grandparents to spend 2 days with them every year, leaving grandma heartbroken
Now, our grandma here has 3 sons, but one of them decided to hop across the globe for work and, plot twist, fell head over heels for a woman 10 years younger. Age is nothing but a number, but grandma made sure to point out this fun fact. These 2 lovebirds tied the knot just 9 months later and soon after started a family. But what about grandma? Was she invited to the wedding? Well, no. She didn’t even know about the wedding until after the “I Do” was said and done. To make matters even worse, the country where the son’s wife is from got swept into a war, forcing the family to pack their bags and hightail it to London. They moved into a “cozy” two-bedroom flat because, what could be more fun than living in a sardine can with 2 kids, right? The thing is, this cozy little setup is only an hour away from grandma, but you’d think they live on Mars with how often they visit, which is almost never by the way. But here’s the weird thing: instead of popping over for tea, the son and his family always have a list of excuses that would make any procrastinator proud. “Oh, the house is too small for guests,” or “The kids are exhausted from school,” and my personal favorite, “maybe next time.” At this point I would probably start wondering if this “next time” will ever arrive. And the cherry on top? The grandkids spend weeks visiting their mom’s side of the family, but grandma can’t even get them over for a quick hello. Yeah, let that sink in for a sec. Whenever this grandma brings up her concerns to her son, whether it’s about missing the wedding or the whole grandkids being off to a war zone thing, she gets nothing but defensive responses. Honestly, I’d be pulling my hair out by now. But is she really being that unreasonable to want to be part of her grandkids’ lives? Grandparent alienation, as the pros call it, is actually becoming more common these days, especially with younger generations moving far away and living life on their own terms. To find out more about this topic, we’ve interviewed Dr. Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, author and speaker. He told Bored Panda that, in most cases, grandparent alienation seems to come from conflicts between the parent and their adult child, rather than issues between the grandparent and grandchild. Many grandparents who experience alienation express that being separated from their grandchildren is often more distressing than being cut off from their adult child. Share icon Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo) “Many were very close to the grandchildren before the alienation occurred and thus feel especially sad and confused. They also fear that they are being lied about to the grandchildren or poorly represented,” Dr. Coleman explained. We asked Dr. Coleman if there is anything grandparents can do to try to mend relationships when they feel alienated from their grandchildren. He suggested that the primary focus for grandparents should be to acknowledge that parents serve as the gatekeepers to their grandchildren. While there may be rare instances where an adult child allows contact with the grandchildren despite not engaging with the parent, this is not common. Therefore, grandparents need to concentrate on repairing their relationship with the adult child and accept any boundaries that have been set, even if they find them challenging. We wanted to know what role in-laws and cultural differences play in grandparent alienation, and how families can navigate these challenges. Dr. Coleman told us that “A son-in-law or daughter-in-law may act as a kind of cult of one, alienating the adult child and the grandchildren from everyone. Thus, parents have to be careful not to criticize the son or daughter-in-law and to make amends if they have.” In today’s digital age, you’d think staying connected would be easier, right? Facetime and social media make it seem like you’re always just a click away. I don’t know about you, but for me no amount of Facetime can replace real-life hangouts, birthday parties and those cozy weekend visits. Personally, I’d take a coffee date over a pixelated screen any day. And so would our grandma. So, is she being unreasonable here? Well, it’s not all black and white, and we probably don’t know the whole story. But one thing is for sure – if the kids can fly across the globe, they can spare a couple of hours to visit grandma who lives just down the road. We would like to know what you think of this story. Is grandma being a bit harsh, or is it time for her son and his family to step up their game? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Netizens say that the grandma should work on improving her relationship with her son and daughter-in-law as her disapproval of her is probably what caused the whole thing
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