A woman who goes online by the whimsical nickname Burritowrap had progressed with her boyfriend to the point where the next logical step seemed to be meeting his buddies. However, as she explained on the lifestyle and parenting forum Mumsnet, he wasn’t ready for it. What’s more, after being pressed to explain why, the guy spit out a hurtful barrage that made the woman question why they were together at all.
This woman told her long-term boyfriend she wanted to meet his buddies, but he said no
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And his explanation as to why only made things worse
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We place huge value on being liked by our partner’s friends
In some circles, the term for the guy’s behavior is called pocketing. Simply put, it’s a situation where a person you’re dating avoids or hesitates to introduce you to their friends, family, or other people they know, in-person or on social media, even though you’ve been going out for a while. It’s as if your relationship is non-existent to the public eye. To learn more about it, we contacted Jourdan Travers, LCSW, a licensed clinical therapist and Clinical Director of Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching to individuals, couples, families, and organizations in over 40 countries worldwide. “There are various reasons why someone might choose to keep their partner separate from their family and friends, including concerns about the commitment level in the relationship, embarrassment about what their partner might think of [them], or vice versa, and how their family might feel about their partner,” Travers told Bored Panda. “They could also be uncomfortable attending family gatherings and have decided to spare their partner from feeling the same way.” Another possible explanation is that someone might not be entirely truthful about themselves and keep the person they’re dating away in an attempt to protect the facade they’ve created. By avoiding introductions, they might maintain the fragile image of themselves that attracted their romantic interest in the first place. Plus, if someone is going out of their way to keep your presence a secret, there’s also a chance they might be hiding you from someone else — perhaps an ex, another person they’re seeing, or a friend they hope to date in the future. Share icon Image credits: Eko Agalarov / pexels (not the actual photo) “A key here is to get curious about it and communicate that with your partner,” said Travers, who also contributes to the website Therapy Tips, a news and publishing division of Awake Therapy. “A good place to start is, ‘I wonder why…’ For example, ‘I wonder why I have yet to meet one of your friends?’ or ‘I wonder why you haven’t invited me to come with you when you go to your parents’ house for a family dinner?’” “These questions inevitably lead to more questions [which, in turn], can lead to answers about the relationship or to have a deeper, more intimate conversation about where the relationship is at the present moment and the timeline your partner might have in mind before formal introductions are made.” Even though the experience was awful, at least the author of the post learned that she and the guy are after different things in life. Judging from her words, it was him, and not her, so hopefully the woman can move forward knowing she deserves someone who values and respects her presence.
As the woman’s story went viral, she provided more information on their relationship
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Most people suggested she run as far away from him as she can
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